STRUGGLING WITH SERENDIPITY
  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Events
  • Photos
  • Press and News
  • Resources

different battles

7/20/2016

16 Comments

 
Picture
(This blog tells my family's story. To see more, click "blog" at the top of this webpage.)
​

​
The first weeks of school, I walked a tightrope, afraid of a long fall. Always a step behind, my goal was to function without crying in front of anyone. All the while, Beth set unnecessarily high standards for herself. Weak and exhausted, she didn't want anyone to push her wheelchair. She tried to get dressed and attempted zippers, buttons, and shoelaces with uncooperative hands. Her battles were physical. Mine were mental.

​Nothing was easy.


Beth continued to surprise us, but not by wanting to go to her first football game in a wheelchair or her first high school dance. At the game, there was no way to access the student section, so she and her friends stayed on the track near the cheerleaders.

​She didn't ask to go to any more football games that season.


For the Homecoming dance, John and I dropped Beth off at school with Maria and her friends already inside. Her shoes fell off during the transfer from the car to her chair. I put them back on and adjusted the sleeveless black dress several times, then again. An elastic strap under the dress held her knees together. She refused our help to wheel up the long sidewalk to the main entrance of the school, even though she couldn’t begin to open the heavy glass doors.

From the car, John and I watched Beth’s slow, labored ascent up the long incline, another small action of life turned into a grueling challenge. John expressed amazement at her tenacity and how easily she took the leap of faith that someone would let her in. I worried more about social aspects than physical details. At home, waiting for her phone call, I braced for a negative outcome.

How much vulnerability could she carry, as a new quad and as a new freshman at her first high school dance?

Afterwards, my youngest wheeled to the car with barely-worn shoes on her lap and her three best friends alongside. Bursting with enthusiasm, the beaming girls talked over each other nonstop. They all wore the HOPE rings; Beth never took hers off. I drove her friends home, then I asked Beth if she had danced. Silly question. She loved the new experience of dancing in her wheelchair. I had stressed needlessly. With the crisis of the moment averted, I pushed my pessimism down the road.

When Maria arrived home later that evening, she told me how her sister danced most of the night. Maria and I had shared tears over the shock of the accident, survivor’s guilt, and the cruel limits of a C6-7 injury. The night of the Homecoming dance, after Beth’s pure joy in life, we hugged and cried again.

16 Comments
Helen Malchan- Evans
7/21/2016 08:55:35 am

Beth your articles are very inspiring. This was a tearjerker! I hope by sharing your articles someone will be inspired. Love and blessings to you all❤️🙏

Reply
Cindy Kolbe
7/22/2016 09:14:17 pm

Thank you, Helen! My blogs about the emotional time after Beth's injury are more intense than the later blogs will be.

Reply
Jill Howard
7/21/2016 09:45:35 am

Really nice, heartfelt story! Loved reading this!

Reply
Cindy Kolbe
7/22/2016 09:15:28 pm

I appreciate your support, Jill! Thank you! ❤️

Reply
Margie Patterson
7/21/2016 10:00:51 am

Made me cry! And think about my son! He was very much like Beth. Very determined after his accident, and wanting to do everything with no help. I drove him crazy trying to help. Your goal was also my goal....get through the hours without crying in front of anyone. And take it one minute at a time. You and Beth are both amazing women. Love your blog!

Reply
Cindy Kolbe
7/22/2016 09:34:48 pm

Margie, thank you for commenting! I think that our experiences with our children's injuries can be difficult to share with others. Especially how we need to help and make things easier, while our kids push themselves to fight challenges that no one should have to face. I drove Beth crazy at times, too. ? And yes, one minute and hour and day at a time!

Reply
Chuck
7/21/2016 10:14:23 am

If I am going to keep reading these posts, about Beth, I am going to have to invest in several more boxes of tissues.

Reply
Cindy Kolbe
7/22/2016 09:43:40 pm

Chuck, maybe I should add a "tissue warning." ? But seriously, the time after Beth's injury was emotional (obviously). The good news is that the mood of the blog will improve over time.

Reply
Lin Talbot-Koehl
7/21/2016 11:54:37 am

(((((((((Cindy))))))))) How well I remember Beth's stubbornness when I was her (& Maria's) Ballet teacher. She *always* had a mind of her own! Look how well that tenacity has payed off!! Accidents happen....but Beth was no accident! Despite the accident - & maybe a little *because* of it - Beth has turned into a powerhouse! <3

Reply
Cindy Kolbe
7/22/2016 09:48:51 pm

Thanks, Lin! I remember Beth in ballet as quiet and shy, but the confidence and determination she gained since then has served her very well!

Reply
Debra Gardner link
7/21/2016 09:13:37 pm

As usual, I was so touched by your post. What more can I say than what was already stated by the others before me? Only that the outcome has been as amazing as the story. I always look forward to reading your posts. Thank you for putting yourself out there and sharing so that others may learn from your experience and example.

Reply
Cindy Kolbe
7/22/2016 09:56:12 pm

Thank you, Deb, for being a wonderful friend who I can count on to support me every step of the way! You have encouraged me with my memoir since the beginning, and it's nice to know that you believe it will happen. ❤️

Reply
Randee Bieler link
7/22/2016 01:09:17 pm

You are an amazing mother and an amazing storyteller. Thank you for sharing your life with me. Godspeed

Reply
Cindy Kolbe
7/22/2016 10:08:52 pm

Thanks so much, Randee! I'm grateful to hear that my story reached you. My hope is that it might help others deal with any kind of challenge.

Reply
Cindy Champion
8/8/2016 11:20:54 pm

This is really a moving blog post, I'm crying too, would I be as brave as Beth at age 14? Would I be as brave as you as a mother?

Reply
Cindy Kolbe link
8/9/2016 10:55:18 am

Thank you, Cindy! I just followed Beth's lead, and I'm grateful that she was the brave one! :-)

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Cindy Kolbe

    Sign up for my Just Keep Swimming Newsletter by typing your email address in the box. Thanks!

    * indicates required

    Categories

    All
    Accident
    Adventure
    Anxiety
    Career
    Caregiving
    Chronic Pain
    College
    Counseling
    Depression
    Driving
    Fear
    Floating
    Friends
    Goals
    Graduation
    Gratitude
    Grief
    Group Home
    Guilt
    Harvard
    High School
    High School Swim Team
    Holidays
    Independence
    Injury
    Intensive Care
    Internship
    Job
    Moving
    Occupational Therapy
    Optimism
    Paralympics
    Paralympic Swim Team
    Perspective
    Physical Therapy
    Published Articles
    Rehab
    Road Trip
    Serendipity
    Spinal Cord Injury
    Sports
    Stanford
    Support
    Surgery
    Swim Club Team
    Swim Meet
    Swimming
    Travels
    Video
    Volunteering
    Writing

    Picture

    Archives

    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    May 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016

    RSS Feed

    Picture

    Picture

    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture

    Picture
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Events
  • Photos
  • Press and News
  • Resources