 (This blog tells my family's story. To see more, click "blog" at the top of this webpage.)
In Norway, we snapped pictures to add to our scrapbook at the Worlds End (Verdens Ende), a desolate spot on the water with many small, bare rock islands. The islands reminded me of stepping stones for a giant heading into the strait of Skaggerak and the North Sea. The Worlds End looked exactly the same twenty-nine years ago, when I was as an exchange student. In Denmark, we drove with Anne-Lisé past cows grazing on small strips of grass next to narrow rivers. We visited and stayed with Gretha and her daughter Belinda, who was an adorable little girl in blonde pigtails when I first met them in 1977. We saw the sights in beautiful Aalborg and spent lovely, relaxed evenings with friends before driving to Norre Vorupar on the coast. We carried Beth into small bathrooms where her wheelchair would not fit. One evening, Gretha treated us to dinner at a fancy restaurant on a North Sea beach. Our server and friends teased John and me about ordering only water—apparently a social sin! :-) Back in Oslo, an airline called with unwelcome news. Our flight was moved up a day, so we boarded a plane after a heartfelt thank you and sad goodbyes with my second mom, Anne-Lisé. Our layover in Paris turned into a fiasco. First, the staff acted like they had never had a passenger with a wheelchair before. After we landed and the other passengers left, we waited for a clunky airport wheelchair, then waited longer for a strange cubicle on wheels that raised in the air to meet the back door of the airplane. The four of us reluctantly entered the cubicle, which carried us a long way to a terminal. Second, we learned our flight to Detroit had been delayed to the next day and the airline would not pay for a hotel. Third, we picked up our luggage and waited for Beth’s manual wheelchair to be returned to us. And waited. At the customer service desk, rude airline staff nonchalantly told us they couldn't find her wheelchair. No big deal? How could a wheelchair be lost? We moved Beth to a regular molded plastic chair since her back hurt in the airline wheelchair, but she still wasn’t comfortable. We had to keep asking the desk staff to check again, until they finally made a phone call. Or pretended to. Tired and hungry, we were not happy campers. Beth’s wheelchair was lost for two hours. Fourth, we boarded a crowded airport shuttle to a hotel. On the way, the driver pulled over for an unscheduled stop just to smoke a cigarette, while all of us had to stay on the shuttle, packed in like sardines. The hotel charged outrageous prices. We overpaid for a tiny room with one bed and two of us slept on the floor. When we arrived in Detroit, we brought with us a new appreciation for U.S. airports. Next: Oregon!
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 (This blog tells my family's story. To see more, click "blog" at the top of this webpage.)
Twenty-nine years had passed since my summer in Norway as an exchange student. My former host mom, Anne-Lisé, invited us to stay with her for two weeks in July. With a new job in Columbus, Ben missed our biggest family trip. The other four of us boarded a plane. The rugged beauty of Norway’s fjords had not diminished since my first trip. We stayed several days at Anne-Lisé’s rustic summer cottage in Tjome. There was no road that reached her land, so she drove the car on grass and a dirt path. Huge boulders dotted the view, the landscape untouched except for a small home now and then. The cottage had been built next to a massive rock that extended from the main entrance and served as a deck. For breakfast, Anne-Lisé served tubes of caviar and chunks of cheese with heavy thin bread and wide crackers. Delicious, except for the caviar. Maria and Beth decided to swim in the Oslo fjord, a short distance from the cottage through woods. It was a difficult trek with a wheelchair and one of the few times Beth didn’t complain about being pushed. Massive rocks met the water, with no beach. I positioned Beth’s chair the best I could and lowered her to the rocks. The cold water (64ºF, 18ºC) nixed her plans to swim. Instead, I shot a photo of the girls in shallow water and complied with Beth’s request to return to her wheelchair. I should say, I tried to comply. Maria and I slipped on the wet rocks. Beth laughed. Then all three of us couldn’t stop laughing. When we tried again, we fell again. And a third time. Laughing and lifting never worked. Finally, Maria and I accomplished the task after catching our breath and planting our feet in a less slippery spot. We teased Beth, blaming her for our new bruises. In Oslo, the new Nobel Peace Center made a lasting impression, as well as Vigelandsparken, a beautiful sculpture park built on a stunning scale and depicting every stage of life. In 1976 at the same park, I sat next to the U.S. Ambassador at a formal ceremony to celebrate the U.S. Bicentennial on July 4. After he spoke, it was my turn. I stood at the microphone in a stars and stripes top and skirt. I read my prepared speech, and Anne-Lisé gave me flowers. Twenty-nine years later, we toured the Edvard Munch art museum with my second mom, Anne-Lisé, and her lovely granddaughter, Christina. At an Oslo pub with fresh flowers on our table, my teenage daughters ordered long island iced teas, their first legal drinks. Next: The World’s End and Denmark!  (This blog tells my family's story. To see more, click "blog" at the top of this webpage.)
My last weeks in Cambridge as a personal care assistant and Harvard Coop employee ended with easy goodbyes. I loaded the car—twice—with Beth’s backup wheelchair, single futon, lift chair, floor lamp, refrigerator and microwave unit, and more. I labeled everything and pushed my limits by moving the items by myself to the basement storage room at the upperclass house (dorm) where she would live in the fall. Everything hurt after. I scribed for the student with cerebral palsy for the last time as Beth finished her final exams and swam her last practice at Blodgett until September. We watched colorful dragon boats race on the Charles River before I packed the car for the long drive to Ohio. I couldn’t wait to be back home for the summer and planned to appreciate every minute. The upcoming school year, John and I would have an empty nest in Tiffin with Beth at Harvard, Ben in Columbus, and Maria graduating early in December to work in Boston near her sister. I wanted my kids to find their own way in life, but at the same time, I wished they could live with me forever. Feeling sorry for myself sparked a radical idea: moving to the Boston area if John retired in two years, after 30 years of teaching in Ohio. Maybe. Summer vacation officially started with an additional five-hour drive to Chicago for the wedding of Rakhi’s brother. The short drive seemed easy after the trek from Boston. I loved our road trips in Beth’s blue car with CDs and sing alongs. At one of the wedding events, I wore a long blue dress with a tunic top to a beautiful ceremony. At the evening garba, Beth danced in a short sequined top that bared her midriff above a matching ankle-length skirt, a gift made in India from Rakhi’s parents. We found out at the garba that a woman with a bare midriff meant she was looking for love. I never tired of adding to Beth’s contagious laughter. Back in Tiffin, Beth reunited with her best friends, Ellen and Lizzy, not knowing it would be one of their last summers together. Maria gave Beth a special gift, a beautiful sunflower quilted wall hanging that she sewed for a college class on women’s traditions. Last spring, John attended presentations at Heidelberg when the students spoke about their quilts. I wished I could have heard Maria talk about her sister’s favorite flower and the passion for life they shared. When I lived in Cambridge, I also missed hearing my oldest daughter sing at Heidelberg choir concerts. I wouldn’t miss any more of her solos. Seneca Aquatic Klub practices filled Beth’s calendar for her fourth swimming summer. Peggy showed us an underwater video from the previous summer with sloppy strokes. A recent one with smoother movements reinforced Beth’s belief that mastering the forward freestyle stroke was doable. Two teammates lifted her in and out of the pool as they had for high school practices. One morning, they carried her out to the diving board—under protest. Her attempt to enter the water gracefully ended in a belly flop, but she didn’t lose any sleep over her lack of diving skills. Next: Norway!  (This blog tells my family's story. To see more, click "blog" at the top of this webpage.)
Dear Readers: This post is not typical. This is the second (and last) segment about my struggle with depression in Massachusetts. Thanks for following! -Cindy ❤ Five years had passed since Beth’s spinal cord injury and I had so much to be thankful for. I felt loved. I usually focused on gratitude and had no reason to feel despair. But when I gradually discontinued a medication, there it was, unbidden. With this sudden new depression, life became overwhelming. I thought about Beth not needing me in Cambridge for the next school year. The idea of her at Harvard and me in Ohio triggered old fears of health risks. How could I be in another state? What about pneumonia? What if a car hit her when she crossed the congested streets? What if she picked up a superbug virus from her chair wheels and antibiotics failed? With worst-case scenarios swarming in my head, I rode the T back to Harvard Square and hurried to Beth’s car, relieved not to see anyone I knew on the way. I drove to Fresh Pond in western Cambridge to one of the cheapest hotels in the area. Still expensive at eighty dollars a night. In my hotel room, sleep eluded me. With a searing headache, I thought about going to a hospital, but I wanted to hide this from my family. Beth was across town, but I refused to cry on her shoulder. I especially needed to call John. However, I was determined not to worry the people I loved the most. I dozed toward morning. It was my day off from the personal care assistant job, thankfully. In the light of day, it seemed obvious that body chemistry and chronic pain played big roles in my depression. Thoroughly humbled, I called my Ohio doctor’s office for a new Zoloft prescription. I braced myself for uncomfortable hours and days until the medicine helped again. I called off work at the Coop and stayed in the hotel room with the television and lights off until checkout time. I couldn’t justify another expensive hotel night, but after I checked out, I had nowhere to go. My friend Bonnie worked second shift and I couldn’t move in to her apartment until 9:30 p.m. Too restless and teary to sit or read or write, I wandered through the afternoon and evening. No longer in denial about depression, and stuck with a dependency to Zoloft. At the same time, I made peace with the fact that I needed medicine to function. I rewarded myself for not spending another night in a hotel by purchasing a new Life is Good shirt with a peace sign. The company’s philanthropy resonated with me, as well as their motto. “Life is not perfect. Life is not easy. Life is Good.” Amen. Next: Home Sweet Home! |
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