STRUGGLING WITH SERENDIPITY
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city life

10/10/2019

2 Comments

 
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In her new Malden apartment late one night, Beth transferred from the wheelchair to her bed, and a wheel lock didn’t hold. She tumbled to the floor. Her roommate Lizzy slept nearby in the next room.

Beth’s deep aversion to asking for help resulted in close to an hour’s struggle to get back into bed. And raw rug burns on her knees. She accomplished the feat only after creating a series of higher levels with pillows and anything else she could reach. If it had been me, I’d have asked for assistance right away. 
 
Beth considered the solo achievement a victory. 
 
John called it unnecessary stubbornness. I nagged her about taking care of the rug burns to avoid infection.   
            
Meanwhile, Maria taught her second school year as a lead teacher while Ben attended graduate school at Brandeis. I started a new nonprofit job in Wellesley, running programs for residents in need. John settled in at Waltham’s MacArthur School. 
 
John soon made many close friendships with the exceptional staff.
            
Some weekends, I met Beth and Maria for lunch or clothes shopping. Maria dressed casually for work, like me, since she often sat on the floor with her preschoolers with a disability. Beth established her preferred style: dresses (or tops with skirts), and boots. The wheels of her chair ruined light colors despite side guards, so she avoided white clothing but not buttons and zippers. 
            

Mint Julep in Harvard Square remained Beth’s best source for dresses, though a few she bought weren’t appropriate for work. She saved those for dancing in Boston clubs. Wearing two small white pearls from China in each earlobe, she had blond highlights in her brown hair from the Judy Jetson salon in Cambridge. She replaced the Harvard Swimming backpack with a leather messenger bag that hung from the unused push handles of her wheelchair. We ordered a set of Spinergy wheels with black spokes instead of yellow, to look more professional.
 
Meeting new people in and out of her office, she never hesitated to extend her contracted hand with the HOPE ring.
            
Beth's job focused on international health systems and extensive research for a $7,000,000 grant proposal. After a workday in Harvard Square, Beth occasionally wheeled over the Charles River to swim laps at Blodgett pool and say hello to the coaches.
 

Beth continued to love swimming, though she welcomed the break from swim training.    
2 Comments
Amy Henry link
10/13/2019 10:44:47 am

"If it had been me, I’d have asked for assistance right away."

I think it takes years and years before we are secure enough in ourselves to ask for help. "I do it myself!" is a cry of independence that (secretly) persists far beyond toddlerhood. We look at our adult kids and think "They're all grown-up." But I think they have to believe that before they can make themselves vulnerable.

Great view into the busy lives of everyone in your family here. Nice to know what Ben was up to.

Reply
Cindy Kolbe link
10/13/2019 01:07:54 pm

Thanks, Amy! Yes, I agree with you. Vulnerability is required for recognizing when we need help and for asking for help. In my younger days, I couldn't ask for help. Some of us (like me) struggle with that in our older days, too!

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    Cindy Kolbe

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